The Lost Art of Being Bored: Why Are We So Afraid of It?

11 minutes ago

6 min read

“I’m bored!” How many times have we heard these little words coming from our children? And what is usually our first reaction? “Why don’t you play with your toys?” “Do you want me to put something on?”, “Would you like to do some colouring?” “Let’s go somewhere!” As parents and educators, we are often very quick to try and solve the problem of boredom. But I have been thinking lately…do we actually need to? Are we perhaps so uncomfortable with our children being bored that we don’t allow them to discover what happens next?

What does it actually mean to be bored?

Boredom is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, boredom can be the birthplace of imagination and creativity. When there is nothing immediately available to entertain a child, they have to stop and think: What can I do? And this is where things can get interesting. Perhaps they start looking around the room. Perhaps they find some paper and begin drawing. Perhaps they take out the blocks and start building. Perhaps they collect some leaves from the garden. Perhaps they start pretending that the sofa is a boat and suddenly the whole living room has become the ocean! Or perhaps they simply sit there for a while. And that is okay too. We don’t always have to turn every quiet moment into a learning opportunity.

An interesting thought is: are our children over-stimulated? We live in a world where entertainment is available almost instantly. If we are bored, we can pick up our phones. If we want to watch something, there are endless choices. If we want to listen to music, we have thousands of songs at our fingertips. Our children are growing up in a world where stimulation is very easy to find. Therefore, it is understandable that some children find it difficult when there is nothing immediately happening. This doesn’t mean we should remove everything that is stimulating or enjoyable from their lives. Of course not. It simply makes me wonder whether our children also need to experience the opposite. Quiet. Slowness. Waiting. Doing nothing for a little while.

What do we see in a Montessori Classroom?

One of the things I love about Montessori is that we don’t feel the need to entertain the children. The environment is prepared with carefully chosen materials and activities, where the adult doesn’t need to constantly direct the child from one thing to the next. A child can choose. They can repeat. They can stop. They can observe another child. They can return to something they haven’t worked with for several days. They can discover something for themselves. Sometimes a child will walk around the environment for a little while before deciding what they want to do. We don’t necessarily see this as a problem. We observe. Perhaps they are looking at what other children are doing. Perhaps they are thinking about what they would like to choose. Perhaps they simply need a little time. This is one reason why observations are so important in the Montessori classroom. We don’t always need to jump in and solve something before we have understood what the child is experiencing.

When we observe a child, we see they have other powers than ours. Maria Montessori wrote: “The child has other powers than ours, and the creation he achieves is no small one; it is everything” (Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, p. 34, 1949). I think this is such an important reminder for us as adults. We can sometimes underestimate what children are capable of when we are constantly stepping in, directing and providing the next thing. Children are not waiting for us to fill every space. They are constantly constructing themselves through their experiences. When we give them time to explore, to experiment, to make choices and even to struggle a little, we are giving them opportunities to discover their own abilities. And sometimes the most interesting things happen when we haven’t planned them at all.

But don’t children need stimulation?

Young children need rich experiences, conversation, movement, interaction, exploration and opportunities to learn. The question is not whether children need stimulation. The question is whether we need to provide the stimulation every minute of the day. There is a difference. A child who is given an opportunity to explore an activity independently is doing something very different from a child who is constantly being entertained. When a child has to think about what they want to do, they are making a decision. When they can’t get something to work, they have the opportunity to problem-solve. When their first idea doesn’t work, they can try another. When they invent their own game, they are using imagination. When they repeat something again and again, they are developing concentration. These are all important skills. Something I hear quite often from parents is, “But they don’t know what to do!” And sometimes it is true. Especially with younger children, as we cannot expect them to suddenly know how to occupy themselves for hours. This is something they learn gradually. If your child comes to you and says, “I’m bored,” you don’t have to ignore them. You can acknowledge it. “You’re not sure what you would like to do?” Or: “Let’s have a look and see what you can find.” You might offer a couple of options if they genuinely need some help, but then try and slowly step away. Give them time. Initially, they may come back to you after thirty seconds. The second time, perhaps five minutes. Eventually, they begin to realise: “I can find something to do.” And that is quite an empowering thing for a child to discover.

What about toys?

This is another interesting topic. More toys don’t necessarily mean more play. Sometimes a room full of toys can make it harder for a child to decide what to do. Have you ever noticed how children can be surrounded by toys and still say, “There’s nothing to do!” And then, as soon as you start cooking dinner, suddenly the wooden spoon, two plastic containers and an empty cardboard box become the most exciting things in the house! There is a reason for this. Open-ended objects leave space for imagination. A wooden spoon can be a spoon, a microphone, a magic wand or a drumstick. A cardboard box can become a house, a car, a shop or a boat. The child decides. This is something we see time and time again in a Montessori classroom. We don’t need to give children every answer. Sometimes we need to leave enough space for them to create their own.

So, what can we do at home?

It doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t need to buy Montessori materials or create a stimulating environment. Start by allowing some unstructured time during the day. Make some simple activities accessible. Books. Paper and pencils. Blocks. Puzzles. Playdough. Construction materials. Things from nature. And don’t underestimate everyday life. Let your child help you prepare food. Give them a cloth to wipe the table. Let them sort socks. Help you water the plants. Put their own things away. These activities may not look particularly exciting to us, but to a young child they are real, meaningful experiences. And most importantly, they don’t require us to be the entertainer.

Perhaps this is where Montessori’s “prepared environment” becomes particularly relevant. Maria Montessori wrote: “The first aim of the prepared environment is, as far as it is possible, to render the growing child independent of the adult.” (Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood, p. 267, 1983). Independence doesn’t mean leaving children to manage everything by themselves. It means creating an environment where they can increasingly participate, choose, contribute and discover what they are capable of doing. This applies at home just as much as it does at school. A low shelf where a child can choose a book. A place where they can reach their own coat. A small jug they can use to pour their own drink. A basket of activities they can access without waiting for an adult. These little things can make a big difference.

In a world that is constantly telling our children what to look at, listen to and do, perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give them is the space to explore and discover for themselves. And the next time they say, “I’m bored…”, instead of immediately reaching for the television remote control or suggesting another activity, try saying: “I wonder what you can find to do.” Then wait. It may not work immediately, and there may be complaints. You may even hear, “But there is NOTHING to do!” And that’s absolutely acceptable. We are not trying to teach children that boredom is wonderful. Instead, we are giving them the opportunity to discover that they can move through it. That they can think. They can choose. They can create. They can solve problems. They can use their imagination. They can simply be!

As Montessori educators, even if we often talk about the prepared environment for the child, we also need to prepare ourselves as adults. This involves knowing when to step back, to resist the urge to fill every silence. To trust that our children don’t always need us to show them what comes next. Because sometimes, when we give children nothing to do, that is when they discover that they can do something all by themselves. And perhaps that is not boredom at all. Instead, it should be seen as the beginning of independence, creativity and imagination!